At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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