I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize