like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
