I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
