Will you blow on my dice?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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