margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
