So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
