i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
