And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
