HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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