If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
