I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
