i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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