I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
