So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
