There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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