All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
