bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize