Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
