Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
