we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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