We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
