if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
