His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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