And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize