I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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