Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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