I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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