you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
