When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
