just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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