I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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