thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
