i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
