OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
