Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
