We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
