If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
