How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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