I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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