He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize