I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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