If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
