I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
