Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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