dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
