I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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