Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
