3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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