We're facebook friends in real life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
