words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize