you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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