Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
