You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
