i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
