My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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