i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
