worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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