He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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