at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
