Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
