Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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