is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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