she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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