You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize