Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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