sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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