You can't special order awesome
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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