i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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